Missionary Update: Robert Knuth

The rhythms of campus ministry make the summer a weird time.

One of the common assumptions is that because students are gone, I just get to do whatever! While this is definitely not the case (I'm happy to share more about all that happens on the job in the summer), it is true that with students gone--the job does look different. Indeed, overall, the pace is a lot slower. 

Especially with this (kind of) being my first normal summer on the job, here's been a consistent meta-thought cropping up with everything I'm doing (and not doing):

I live off the highs and lows of how well I perform on the job. I crave the roller coaster of emotion. It's a jostle that makes life interesting. The highest highs are an insatiable drug that is worth storming the sea of the lowest lows. 

I get the feeling that this isn't just a ministry thing, either. My friends reading this right now with corporate jobs in New York or DC I'm sure can totally relate. 

It's that feeling you get right when you close a sale, or sign a contract. The sensation that courses through your veins is a rush unlike anything else. It says, "you did it! Your hard work paid off! Ain't nobody stopping you now. You're a winner."

Even for a moment, that feeling carries you through the days and weeks of what feels like failure. You said the wrong thing on the phone with a client (or if you're me, a student!). You spent half the day not how you wanted, and now feel super behind. The inner critic reverberates in the deepest part of you: "you're not doing enough." 

These cycles make sense to me. On top of the world, in the deepest valley. Back and forth, back and forth.

You know what doesn't make sense?

Fundraising. Catching up with pastors in our presbytery. Mandatory training weeks in Denver. The list goes on.

The summer is weird, because it provides very little opportunity for me to climb that mountain (or to sink into that valley). In other words, the summer is weird because it forces me to believe I am not justified by my preaching, outreach, ministry dynamics, etc.

When I lay my head down on the pillow at night, I can't chew on how incredible or terrible the job is going. I have to, rather GET TO, believe over and over again for months that Jesus is enough. The cross is enough. His Kingdom is one worth living in because HE is King and makes things happen, not me. 

And you know what's amazing? Amid the slower pace and the constant anxiety of whether or not students will show back up and get involved next year, God has been at work.

Students have found us in droves. I've made contact with at least 2 dozen new students before school has even started. My student leaders text me with ideas for how to better do RUF next semester. The groupme pulsates with enthusiasm for a year with less restrictions (and finally one where we have an established ministry!). 

Please don't read this email the wrong way: I have done a lot. I call students frequently and consistently on the phone. We've hosted 3 Summer RUF events. I've filled the pulpit 5 weeks within a span of 2 months. 

BUT do hear the truth that it isn't up to me (or you, or us). The author of the Hebrews writes,

"We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever after the order of Melchizedek" (6:19-20). 

The magnificence of King Jesus is that His grace at work is what begins to keep us from the roller coaster of highs and lows (a counselor friend of mine calls this "ego inflation/ego deflation"). I dare say, He returns us to SANITY where we can be content in the mundane of life and not so much tied to our performances. 

I don't know about you, but this feels like freedom. True freedom. 

That's my prayer for you this day as you read this and might be stuck at work, or in a funk; that you might know true freedom (as I am also struggling to know myself). 

Love y'all and am extremely grateful for y'all,
Robert

RUF Michigan family at staff training in Denver! On the left is Jim Milleville, RUF Michigan's first outgoing intern! Jim will be serving as the RUF intern at Purdue University. On the right is Christina Ribbens, who will be going into her 2nd year of the internship with us at Michigan (we are SO grateful for her). And then next to Christina is Jim's wife, Bonnie! 

A handful of some of my best friends in ministry (again at staff training in Denver). These guys are all RUF campus ministers around the country at various schools. From left to right: me (Michigan), Will Barbour (ETSU), Austin Braasch (Arkansas St.), Tanner Crum (Auburn), Thomas Kuhn (Nebraska). 

Peter and Abigail going for a walk around Fishtown in Leland, MI. Peter turned 3 in July and starts Preschool this Fall! Will you pray for our family with that transition? We're nervous about it. Abigail is 1.5 and her vocabulary at this point is just blossoming! We're so proud of both of them.